Life is Like a Pack of Chewing Gum....

I'm spending some time with my sister and her family. My niece, I'll call her Shortstop, has a lot of fun with her creative writing class. She wrote the following for an assignment where she was asked to write an example of "bad writing." I loved it, and asked her if I could post it here. After a lot of laughter, she consented, so here you go.....

"Life is like a pack of chewing gum. I still haven't figured out why. But I do know that in high school you hoard your gum like a squirrel in the wintertime, because the rest of the kids are like fish when you throw a piece of food in the water. They flock like they can smell the gum from a mile away. Maybe they have huge noses like those strange looking monkeys in the rain forest. I would love to be a monkey. Just playing around, eating bugs off my friends all day. Okay, maybe I wouldn't want to be a monkey, but that can't be the worst thing to be. Personally being the bug would be worse. Could you imagine being eaten? What if the animal forgot to chew and you went down alive? I wonder what the inside of a monkey's body looks like. Well according to Darwin, we evolved from them so their insides probably look like ours. Aren't bodies such weird things? Like toes, what's the point? They just chill in socks and shoes all day and serve no actual purpose. But then again feet would be pretty funny looking without toes, but feet are disgusting either way. You know what else is disgusting. Noses. I don't get it. Our nose runs and our feet smell. Isn't that a little backwards? Just another question of life, I guess. Like why are hot doges in packages of eight and their buns are in packages of ten? Americans are so weird that way. We make everything so hard on ourselves. Like how we use our own measurement system that the rest of the world doesn't. I bet aliens make fun of us. If there are aliens. I think there are, but we don't know that because we're too absorbed in our own lives. There I go again. Dissing Americans. Probably not a good idea, seeing that I am one. But I'm glad I'm not from China or I'd probably be killed for this whole explanation of why life is like a pack of chewing gum...."

If you have ever been around teenagers girls...you might have found that as entertaining as I did. I hope so. Keep writing, Shortstop!