Director of Homeland Security????

My sister and her husband have given me permission to post this hypothetical Letter of Application they drafted. I thought it extremely funny....

President B.H. Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington DC

January 23, 2009

Dear President Obama;

Due to the recent appointment of Mr. Timothy Geithner as Secretary of the Treasury and the precedent this has set, I am encouraged to apply for the position of Director of Homeland Security. Your administration shows its common sense in appointing individuals with experience and I feel that I can execute the sort of change you are trying to implement in the US.My qualifications are outlined below:·

• I have extensive experience dealing with various terrorist groups and factions·


• I have knowledge of United States security policies and procedures·


• I have a large network of qualified individuals who are well rehearsed in security functions and terrorist activities and are currently looking to expand their job experience·


• I am available to start work at any time and willing to relocate if necessary·


• I can effectively travel worldwide undetected.

Since I am a hard man to find and reach, I will be in touch with you soon to set up an appropriate appointment for my interview, or if you prefer we can do the interview via video. With my closest competition for the position being recently disqualified by the US military, (I am referring to Mr. Saddam Hussein) I feel that I am the best candidate for the position. I have also enclosed a picture for the background check.

Thank you for your consideration,

Osama Bin Laden

Life is Like a Pack of Chewing Gum....

I'm spending some time with my sister and her family. My niece, I'll call her Shortstop, has a lot of fun with her creative writing class. She wrote the following for an assignment where she was asked to write an example of "bad writing." I loved it, and asked her if I could post it here. After a lot of laughter, she consented, so here you go.....

"Life is like a pack of chewing gum. I still haven't figured out why. But I do know that in high school you hoard your gum like a squirrel in the wintertime, because the rest of the kids are like fish when you throw a piece of food in the water. They flock like they can smell the gum from a mile away. Maybe they have huge noses like those strange looking monkeys in the rain forest. I would love to be a monkey. Just playing around, eating bugs off my friends all day. Okay, maybe I wouldn't want to be a monkey, but that can't be the worst thing to be. Personally being the bug would be worse. Could you imagine being eaten? What if the animal forgot to chew and you went down alive? I wonder what the inside of a monkey's body looks like. Well according to Darwin, we evolved from them so their insides probably look like ours. Aren't bodies such weird things? Like toes, what's the point? They just chill in socks and shoes all day and serve no actual purpose. But then again feet would be pretty funny looking without toes, but feet are disgusting either way. You know what else is disgusting. Noses. I don't get it. Our nose runs and our feet smell. Isn't that a little backwards? Just another question of life, I guess. Like why are hot doges in packages of eight and their buns are in packages of ten? Americans are so weird that way. We make everything so hard on ourselves. Like how we use our own measurement system that the rest of the world doesn't. I bet aliens make fun of us. If there are aliens. I think there are, but we don't know that because we're too absorbed in our own lives. There I go again. Dissing Americans. Probably not a good idea, seeing that I am one. But I'm glad I'm not from China or I'd probably be killed for this whole explanation of why life is like a pack of chewing gum...."

If you have ever been around teenagers girls...you might have found that as entertaining as I did. I hope so. Keep writing, Shortstop!

Yes, DavidM, I'm Angry!

It's been a bit since I blogged. I considered talking about President Obama's inaugural speech, but others (like Lee Cary at American Thinker) have done it much better. Then I thought about discussing the wisdom of such an expensive celebration in a time of economic crisis, but was so disgusted with the way the media has played the expense as a "lifting up" of a depressed nation and that the expense was well paid, I decided I'd use too many bad words. Then I found this tidbit that DavidM posted over at The Thunder Run titled "Are You Ready to Get Angry?", and it made me so mad I did use some of those bad words, and decided I just had to post it here.

It seems that a Marine's mother emailed DavidM to let him know that the 12-person military colorguard scheduled to post the colors at the Super Bowl's opening ceremonies will not be allowed to stay and watch the game from the sidelines, as they have in past games. Instead, they will be "escorted" off the field and out of the stadium. DavidM confirmed the information with a representative of the Tampa Bay Host Committee. It's true, but the Tampa Bay folks have nothing to do with the decision. The NFL decided not to allow the 12 members of the military colorguard to stay and watch the game!

What a travesty! If it were up to me, there would be several sections of the stadium reserved for military members who have just returned from serving in a war zone...but then I don't run the NFL. But, my goodness, the NFL should at least allow the 12-person colorguard (who represent all our serving military members) to stay and watch the game from the sidelines. They're not taking up any seats. This is a ridiculous decision and should be reversed as soon as possible.

In the comments to his post, DavidM has copied an email he sent to Mallory Steinberg at the NFL. According to the Tampa Bay folks, that's who people concerned with this decision should contact. Her email is Mallory.Steinberg@NFL.com . It doesn't appear he's received a reply explaining this very stupid decision, as yet. I'd like to know why they won't let the colorguard stay...wouldn't you? So yes, DavidM, I'm angry!

UPDATE! According to CJ at ASP, the NFL has relented and the 12-person interservice colorguard will be allowed to watch the Super Bowl from the sidelines. GREAT NEWS!

TAG...Blog Awards

Ky Woman at "Little Drops...." has honored me with TWO blog awards...wow! With the way things are in my life right now, I needed some encouragement. Thank the Lord for thoughtful people, who seem to know when you need an encouraging word (even when they've never met you in person). So to Ky Woman....thanks so much for thinking of me and tagging me with these awards! To my other readers....thanks for reading. Here are the two awards:

The first is the Kreativ Blogger Award. I'm supposed to list 6 things I'm thankful for, then pass it along to 6 other bloggers. Okay, so here goes. I'm thankful for:

1. Family,
2. Friends,
3. Freedom,
4. Faith,
5. Love, and (of course)
6. Chocolate



Since there is a second award that also tasks me with tagging people, I'll tag the same people....here's the second award:


The Lemonade Award. I guess this award is for those who are trying to be positive about life and the "lemons" that life hands them. I hope I'm learning how to make lemonade from those lemons that we all get, from time to time. Anyway, I'm supposed to pass this award on to 10 other bloggers who demonstrate an attitude or gratitude.

So here's my list of tagged bloggers:

1. Sevilla ('cause she has more "attitude" than anyone I know)
2. Tori ('cause she makes me laugh)
3. Rachel ('cause she seems to have found the "key" to Happiness on a 1/2 Acre)
4. Robyn ('cause she's special)
5. Chuck ('cause his attitude is sky high)
6. Grim ('cause he's got the right ideas)
7. Dwight ('cause he can even make military law sound interesting)
8. GI Kate ('cause anyone that small, with that many tatoos, has to have attitude)
9. Big Tobacco ('cause anyone who asks for support pictures can't be all bad)
10. Nikki ('cause she's headstrong and fiesty, yet a romantic at heart)

Sea Kittens???

I used to think that the animal rights group, PETA, was the most wacky of the wacky-extremist-fringe groups; then came Code Pink and I was certain they were the most bizarre group out there....but I think that PETA just surged to the front of my "wacky-list."

PETA sent a letter to the Principal of Spearfish High School, located in Spearfish, South Dakota, asking the school to change its name to "Sea Kitten High School." Absurd? You bettcha! This craziness is a part of PETA's attempt to get school children to recognize that fish (a.k.a. sea kittens) are "individuals" and have "friendships" like cats and dogs do. Apparently PETA doesn't want us to kill fish for either food or sport. A PETA spokeskitten explained, "We want people to realize that more fish are killed each year than all animals combined. They don’t have the sympathy of more popular animals like cats and dogs." I'm sorry, but sympathy for fish??? It's crazy! The high school's name comes from the town where it's located and does not advocate killing (or spearing) fish. Can anything be more wacky than PETA's request that the high school change it's name; except for sending a similar letter to the high school at Whitefish, Montana.

Now I gotta agree with the Whitefish Principal, who planted his tongue firmly in his cheek and suggested that the entire town of Whitefish change its name, but to "White Kitten" instead of "Sea Kitten." After all, the Principal explained, Whitefish is pretty far from the coast. He said, “White Kitten High School, the White Kitten City Council, the White Kitten Fire Department – it has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?” If you used the politically incorrect old name of "Whitefish" the Principal explained you could be "arrested by the White Kitten Police Department, and taken to the White Kitten Jail, where you’ll be treated with soft, furry paws and a purr of compassion.” The Principal also thought that the name change would bring in tourist business, "maybe we’ll get the National Federation of Sea Kittens. The fur will be flying, and they’ll have scratching post exhibits. But," the Principal warned, “we’re going to have to bring in lots and lots of litter boxes.”

I think litter boxes would be the best place to file these two requests! Read the story in the Rapid City Journal.

Grading Obama's Picks

Don Surber, an editorialist and columnist for the Charleston Daily Mail, has a great blog post grading President-elect Obama's cabinet picks. It's a good post. I totally agree with Mr. Surber's observations that Obama "has spotty judgment, and the choices for attorney general and vice president are real troubling. For a man whose selling card is his perfect judgment, he sure pulls more than his share of boners." It's worth gandering over to his blog and reading the post!

Panetta for CIA??

President-elect Obama has announced Mr Leon Panetta as his nominee to lead the CIA. Curious! Mr Panetta is a Washington insider who was President Clinton's Chief of Staff during Monica-gate. He has absolutely no experience with the intelligence community, other than sitting in on National Intelligence Briefings. Okay....why this nomination? Spook86 at "In From the Cold...." has a great post about the nomination. He speculates that the appointment was either an afterthought (I sure hope not) or was a "bone" thrown at liberal activists concerned with potential nominees who support more aggressive interrogation techniques (which would be worse). I agree with Spook86, the position of the Director of the CIA is too important to our national security to name an intelligence neophyte to fill it. I've said all along that President-elect Obama's judgment about people is critically lacking. This is just another example.

Watching, Waiting, and Praying

My son, Sgt Devildog, and his unit are in training, getting ready to deploy...somewhere. Since his last deployment, he's moved up to a leadership position. This summer, he was meritoriously promoted after he won his Battalion's Corporals' board and he's now a squad leader for a Marine infantry unit. (Can you tell that I'm extremely proud of him?) It's that pride in his demonstrated leadership and his accomplishments that conflicts with my mother's instinct to protect him and keep him safe. Even though I want to protect him in any way I can, I know that he has chosen a dangerous career. I know that he loves what he does, and genuinely cares about "his" Marines and "his" mission. I know that he is a "Marine" through-and-through; even if I don't fully understand all that being a "Marine" entails. (I was a rear-echelon Air Force attorney, after all.) So as mom, I will support him while he's deployed, in any way I can. I'll stock up on boxes for care packages. I'll write letters and emails and send cards. I'll even pretend I can bake. But I'll also worry, wait, and pray. He is my son, after all. In my mind, this 6-foot-something Marine is still my little boy. I held him, nursed him, diapered him, and comforted him when he cried. I went to numerous football and baseball games to cheer for him. I helped him with his spelling words and pretended I understood basic math. I kissed his hurts and praised his accomplishments. I love him as only a mother can love her child. I know and understand that he's now a man; an intelligent, strong, and self-reliant man with a family of his own, but he'll always be my little boy. So I'll watch the news, wait for his return, and pray for his safety.

What a Wish!

Ky Woman, over at Little Drops... posted a great "funny" that I just had to "steal" and post here. I loved it, hope you do, too!

Three men -

A Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a white trash biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish; three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the lant to be forever fertile in Canada." POOF! With the blink of the genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.


Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq, and Iran so that no infidels, Americans, or Canadians can come into our precious land." POOF! Againm wih the blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around all those countries.


The Biker says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The genie explained, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable." The Biker sits down, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles, and says, " Fill it with water."

Happy New Year!

I hope every one who reads this little blog has a very happy new year. I plan on making 2009 a great year. In the past few months, I've been trying (very hard) to change my outlook on life. I want to be an optimist. (A optimistic attorney, you say...isn't that like a happy mortician?) Anyway, I don't want to be a cynic or a pessimist anymore; so I've been "practicing optimism." In keeping with my optimistic goal, I have to think that the stock market and the economy will turn around, that Obama's presidency won't be the start of a socialist America, and that we'll be able to keep the terrorists from attacking inside our borders. I have faith that the sun will come up, the zombies will be kept at bay, and that tomorrow will be another day. So...to all my compatriots in the "blog-o-sphere," have a very happy 2009 and keep thinking happy thoughts. Who knows maybe you, too, can fly like Tinkerbell....