Women in the Military--Guest Post

My daughter, Sevilla, is an Air Force Captain and a woman who pilots helicopters. Over the years, she and I have had a number of interesting conversations; some of them about being a woman serving in the military. When I started this blogging-thing, I told her (and all my kids) that I'd welcome them posting on this blog if they had something they wanted to say. Sevilla has taken me up on the offer. Here's her guest post:

“Describe your military experience, please. What does it mean to be a woman in the military?” Blah. Blah. Blah….

I really hate it when people ask me things like that. “What does it mean to be a woman in the military?” What does it mean to be a man in the military? What does it mean to have brown eyes and be in the military? What does it mean to be short and in the military?

These are characteristics, not definitions. When I look back on my military service, I don’t want to think of myself as a “female warrior” or a “lady pilot”. I’m a pilot. I happen to be a woman, but I also happen to have brown eyes and a tattoo. Those aren’t germane to this discussion, why should my gender be?

And, of course, I know the answer.

The answer is that it’s germane because we as a society have made it germane. It’s almost like a type of voyeurism. We want to know about everyone’s dirty little secrets and experiences. It’s like it gives us a thrill to hear that someone has faced discrimination. For many of us, I suspect, it lets us feel vindicated. Holier than thou, perhaps, as if we’d never, ever contemplate judging someone on the basis of their gender, or race, or appearance, or whatever.

I also suspect that for most of us, that’s what we in the business call “Bullshit”. (Feel free to edit, Mom. Just leave in my parenthetical. smile.). If those things truly didn’t matter, then we wouldn’t have to ask questions like “so what does it mean to be a woman in the military?”.

See? Catch-22, like so much else. smile. But now that I’ve talked you in circles, let me answer the question I hate.

For me, being in the military means that I have to be competent. More than that, I have to be proficient. Now, acquiring competency/proficiency requires several other virtues. Self-discipline comes to mind, as does tenacity and personal responsibility. Without those, one cannot do what is necessary to become either competent or proficient at one’s job. And when being good at your job means you get to keep breathing…well…you see where I’m going here.

When it comes to being a woman in the military, being proficient is what matters. I’ve had long discussions with colleagues of both genders about how a woman should behave in order to be successful in the military. We’ve come up with lots of strategies, tips, tricks and the aforementioned bullshit, but it all boils down to that. If you are competent, if you are proficient…the rest matters less and less. Whether you choose to be “one of the guys” or a "girlie girl," it’s hard to argue with being good at your job.

As I said at her retirement ceremony, I learned that from my mother. There is no substitute for brute competence.

--Sevilla


Afterword:

As I was finishing this up, Mom sends me an email challenging me to answer in verse. Since I usually take what dares I am given, here goes:

Gender Study
By Sevilla

Don’t ask me
How to be a woman

As well ask me what it’s like
To speak
Or walk
Or fly.

It just is.

You do what you do
And if
You want to keep breathing

You learn to do it very,
Very
Well.